Torture moment

Mm... this is the 2 nd week me and Xiao Fen been officially attached, but... i still feel that we not seems like a couple... Why? Because until now i haven't even hold her hand yet.

Today after school, i send Xiao Fen back home as usual. This had become our daily routine, because i want to spend more time with her. In the school we try to act as normal, not as a couple, because Xiao Fen told me she doesn't want others to talk behind our back if we get too close.

We sat at the bus stop as usual, and Xiao Fen tell us the things that happened with Jade. She told me that Jade's parents divorced and reason why she acting so irritating. After hearing her story i can understand how Jade feel, at that moment i actually not angry with her anymore. Her past is quite similar with me, the broken and incomplete family hurts us the children heart deeply... But i had get over with it, because i had a nice and understanding friends always there for me.

Xiao Fen keep on her story on the way home, but i have other though in my mind, When will i ever going to hold her hand, we are couple already but we didn't act like one. Several times i try to hold her hand when crossing the road but i stopped everytime i touched her hand. I know as a men i should take the initiative, but i just couldn't do it, my heart was pounding so fast and my hands sweat everytime i try to hold her.

On the way walk to Xiao Fen home, i make my try again. I swing my hands front and back and try to catch her hand... but seems that Xiao Fen knew my intention and i can sense that she avoid me a bit... Oh... That's hurting me, i wonder she avoid me purposely or the other way around. Again my try fail, i walk her back home and go back home very disappointed.

This night i can't get myself to fall asleep... keep thinking what's happened today... is she not ready to be with me? or she didn't like to hold hand in public.... or maybe she didn't really like me at all.... Questions circling in my head and that makes me feel so low... Maybe i should talk with her how i felt be frank with her what i want... as a couple... Oh... maybe i'll call my love counselor - Jonathan for another advice... Love... this is torture...